saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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