I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
