Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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