I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
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I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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