my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
