things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
