those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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