Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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