I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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