i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
