1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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