In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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