Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
