ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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