I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
