I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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