my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
