Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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