Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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