Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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