OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize