We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
