Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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