I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize