Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize