I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
