My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
