I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
