ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
