well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.