I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
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and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?