Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!