if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date