Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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