8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
