I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
