every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want her autograph on my taint
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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