I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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