We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
