I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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