Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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