Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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