Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
