The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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