apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
