How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
