I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
