my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
