The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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