Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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