I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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