I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
