3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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