i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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