So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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