I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
