went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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