In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
