I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
