how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
