I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
